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Not until you are lost in this world can you begin to find who you really are. Realizing you are lost is the first step to living the life you want. The second step is leaving the life you don’t want. Making a complete life change is scary. But you know what’s even scarier? Going to the grave filled with regret. Vision without action is a daydream, and action without vision is a nightmare. Have the courage to follow your heart, and faith in your Higher Power. I thank God for the humility of desperation; Reaching my bottom. If it was six feet lower I wouldn’t be alive with you wonderful people.Humility Sacrifice Courage


How’s Your Life?

It’s important to have balanced awareness. We need to depend on others for proper perspective. Often we are in the wrong ‘place’ to get a real view of our own situation. Whatever we focus on appears larger. As creatures of habit we tend to repeat the same things. We often overlook the good things in our environment, focus on the negative, the ‘Problems’. Some of us collect problems, from the past, other peoples problems, and we put them in the future and assure others “We’re doomed”, “This sucks”, “FML”. Guys like to ‘fix things’ and women like to worry. Does every ‘problem’ really need to be fixed or worried about? What’s the worst that could happen? Seriously? It’s always good to get an outside opinion on anything, an honest one. It’s also important to keep a list of the Good things in your life, to experience Gratitude and Show it. Gratitude is an action, the act of being gracious. Similar to happiness, it joyful appreciation of a Gift=Grace. We overlook so many great things, good, beautiful things. Do you really want to live a life filled with ‘big’ problems and worry? Heart Attacks and High Blood Pressure?
Having a balanced view of the world keeps things in proper perspective. Having different kinds of friends in your life is key to getting the full picture. If you look at a building, you see one side, but if ask two more individuals with different views you can get a three-dimensional picture, that’s the reality of the situation. Until you have experience with certain unknowns(problems), you can’t be aware of the outcome, and even then nothing is certain. Things are not often as bad as they seem, and even then it could always be worse. We are often doing better than we feel. AND We don’t have to feel good to to good. Don’t let problems consume you. Don’t fill your whole day worrying and fixing. Put the Good things up front for a while. You can always be miserable later. Take time out to take ‘Time Out’; of your life. Quit wearing a watch or looking at the clock. Breath, be grateful, Show it. Do you know someone who seems happy? Act like that for a while. You don’t have to believe it for it to work, you just have to do it. It’s hard to be miserable when you’re happy, but some of us try. Quit complaining and start complementing. Your world is filled with people, places and things. How you define them will decide what your life means to you.

Processor speed and details are important to me. I’m a geek. I do my diligence(research) then make a qualified decision. I have a Phenom ll 981 x4, they don’t technically exist at the retail level. It’s sold as an Opteron 1381 Quad-Core Server CPU. It’s a 3 processor group, 1381, 1385, 1389. Sold to operate at 2.5, 2.7 and 2.9 ghz at 75 watts. They also operate at normal(higher) watts for desktop, gaming purposes. Running at these wattages, they operate at 3.3 to 4+ ghz. The phenom ll x4(deneb) line only has two more releases, the 990 and 1000. They released the bulldozer line right before the phenom tapered off. If you want a good unlockable 6 core, get a Zosma, 960T, 970T, these are actually, Thubans, w/ cores 5 and 6. locked out, but easily opened up.
The server CPU’s, Opterons I use are built to a higher level of standards, mission critical processing. These standards are to operate 24/7 for three years straight with no failure.
The retail market CPU’s are manufactured to operate for 8hrs/day, 5 days/week, for 2 years. with failure, it’s called ‘best effort’ standards, the same level of quality Bill Gates and Microsoft adhere to. It’s like BSOD, “oh well FU, you bought my product, this is what you get.” I prefer mission critical systems and standards. It’s my choice and my life, do your best or get out of my way. We all make mistakes, we just don’t have to repeat them. I do use Win7/64 Ultimate, but I wouldn’t pay a fuckin dime for it. I also use Ultimate Edition, a linux 64 OS.
“The man who never makes mistakes, never tries anything new.” A.E.
Inbox me if you have any questions on computer stuff, if I don’t have the answer, I Will soon. Tom Neal
Desktop=MSI 870-G45, Opteron 1381, (Phenom II x4 981, running at 3.6 today) 10G DDR3 Ram Teem Xtreem Dark Series OC editon, Sapphire ATI Radeon HD5770 VaporX 1G DDR5, Diabolotek 600W reactive PSU, 2 SATA HD, 1 SATA Optical and 2 legacy IDE, I HD and 1 opt.



 Quantum information in relation to systems is a just-in-time process, information appears, forms just as its needed, it’s self-guided, called to order by the implicit systems, its a non-linear ‘No waste’ system without ‘time-directed limitations. It’s cross relational. and without time-directed limitations, recursion is unnecessary. I believe we can design information systems built/based on quantum information’s qualities of self-directed order, it’s a ‘call-to-action’ system. chaos, fractals, black box, without explicit order, give it total autonomy, the only input is implied, requested, but a true, valid call-to-order on this system can have no explicit limitations, meaning the system only responds if left ‘freely’ to react.

Prior to opening the ‘request’, the data exists in wave form, it’s everywhere and anywhen and at the instant of request it quantifies itself.

Numbers seem too inexact, too jagged to properly quantify systems, using relational dynamics; wave mechanics is a more accurate depiction of systemic interaction. My dilemma is inherent, quantification; i.e. description, measurement seems impossible in our current system without numbers. But our eyes see light in waves and our ears hear sound in waves. Our communication is reduced by our definitions, so numbers and words impose limitations on our ability to know. And those limitations also inhibit our ability to share. There is information that I know but I can’t get it to you.



Happiness is a form of acceptance, a willingness to be in the moment. To enjoy where you are, when you are and who you are. As soon as you attempt to define happiness, you are out of ‘accepting’ life as it is right now and into ‘defining’ it, usually in ‘less than’ ways, “What’s missing?”.  Focusing on what’s good, what’s available to you right now can allow happiness. I’ve seen children with in rags, with a piece of trash to play with, a wheel, a string, a stick, etc. Squeal with delight, HAPPY!  Chase a wheel down the road, play with rocks and shells, ‘special rocks’ ‘Treasure’ This is happiness. I’ve also seen well dressed children with expensive complicated toys, mad because they did not get what they wanted, or it’s broke, or not the right color. And I’ve seen the child in rags see the toys of other kids and become unhappy and despondent. “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I have any toys like that? What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t God love me? What did I do to deserve this? God must hate me. I am bad. I hate myself. Because I don’t have ‘nice’ things I don’t deserve to be happy.” Society can rob you of your happiness, IF you let it.
All of us are children in some way. We need to be taught, told, shown, and made to understand. To defend our Own Personal Happiness, our Unique perspective is our happiness. Happiness is a way, a process, acceptance, vision. It’s the act of seeing what seems good to you right now and utilising it in a satisfying, pleasing or amusing manor. A positive outlook. There are many definitions for happiness. ‘Marked by good luck, fortunate’, ‘NOPE”, ‘Marked by pleasure satisfaction or joy’ ??? “This describes the appearance of happiness.” Being especially well-adapted. cheerful, willing’ “This touches on the process.” Living in this convoluted world-society of consumer-based materialism. Most people think money buys happiness; toys, clothes, food, sex, cars, technology, homes, vacations, drugs, etc. Money equals power, property and prestige, not happiness, just a convoluted obsession to control, to get MORE. Happiness is enjoying what you have, right now, anytime, anyplace. Not more. I believe happiness should be defended and properly defined to children, so they can also be happy adults.
 Our brains evolved our thinking process as pattern recognition. To recognize patterns in our environment, for safety, survival. To remember a viable food source. Recognize danger, again. To pick out the difference in the pattern, to recognize the pattern for survival. If we let this ‘process’ focus on what’s ‘missing’ in our lives today, our environment. We can’t be happy, it, our happiness is missing, because it’s attached to that missing ‘thing’. How can we be happy? ‘It’s’ not here.
Don’t let society rob you of your happiness. Guard it, teach it , share it, create it. define it, instill it. It is your Happiness, don’t you want it? You can give happiness and still keep it. Watching television can rob your happiness. Be guarded. Watch animals at play, they are happy. How’s that? Please share time with a child, please help them to see that happiness is easy and always at hand, share some of yourself, time, knowledge and patient understanding with a child. This creates happiness. Do esteem-able things.  
Seeing the available good in your life today and utilising it, this creates happiness. Focus on the available ‘good’ things right now and utilize them. This is ‘well adapted’. Be Cheerful, Willing. Good words. Good will.
Happiness; def: Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: Cheerful; willing.
Happy as in ‘crazy happy’;
:Characterized by a spontaneous or obsessive inclination to use something.
:Enthusiastic about or involved with to a disproportionate degree.
                                                                     Hope you find happiness today.
                                                                                                    Tom Neal
(happiness can be: shared, taught, accepted, denied, lost, borrowed, given, re-lived, forgotten, believed*, discarded, unknown*, dis-credited, contagious, imagined*, …  “I would rather be ‘crazy’ and believe I’m happy than be ‘sane’ and KNOW I’m not.” How you react to your environment right now, will define your happiness today.)
Consciousness, thought and reality are interrelated. In many ways, how many we don’t really know. For us it’s all perceived, perception is our reality. Our truth. Could it be that we are a construct of reality brought into existence to give our universe a fluid and motile interface. We could be slowly and carefully brought into existence so our universe could experience this aspect in a more suitable way. We might be the perfect design for interacting with our reality. True to the nature of our universe. Which also means we are true to our own innate nature. We are a construct of our reality. Brought forth for a physical means of interacting in this environment and connecting the physical world our bodies exist in with the unknown aspect of our non-physical innate existence. Thought form, emotional essence, spiritual origin, our primary elemental form.

If you have a grasp of the complexity of humans in general, DNA, the brain, biology, every part, the odds for existence in chance probability are slim, Very. Some interplay seems to dictate primordial design, reality seems to have instructions for arranging matter into patterns, with a specific purpose. Also on it’s own time.
We may be caught up in our physical reality, talking our learned languages falsely believing that’s all there is to our existence. Missing the truth, the innate nature of our being clouded by our distorted perception of reality, it’s sensory rich environment, and not getting in-tune with our spiritual non-physical purpose. Real purpose is two-fold. Everything seems to be binary primary, balanced. We might be missing our primary purpose, might need to be tuned, like an instrument. Turn down the physical volume so we can hear our spiritual aspect calling. It may be as rich and rewarding just less easy for us to get. We reach for what’s easiest. It’s basic physical, natural, even laws of physics dictate that. But a little more might be expected of us since our brains have more aspects than the universe has stars. Things such as this don’t seem to happen by chance. Not often, not easy, not likely. Even though given an infinite amount of time an infinite amount of things can happen, not ‘will happen’, ‘can happen’. Possibilities. The very thought of a possibility is it’s birth here. It existed prior, but wasn’t enacted, inception starts its intent. When you become aware of what you don’t know that you don’t know, you start to wake up, from the constraints of your existence and purpose.

Time is experiential and self-referential. I don’t believe it’s moving forward so much as outward, from the singularity. ‘Now’ is only a self-referential ‘Now’. It’s different for anyone and everyone, directly related to your position. A function of geometry. If you could view from ‘anywhen’ ‘nowhen’, outside our ‘timeline’ you would have a better perspective of ‘time’.
It’s easy to understand the geometric functions of space, but, time not so much, at first.
Einstein has proven, with his theory of special relativity that space and time were connected, related. I believe the substance of our space uses time as a geometric function to allow motion, in our particular universe and from our particular perspective there. Time is motion, or the precept of motion. There can be no motion without time.

If space where nothing but a void or vacuum, how could it be warped by a large mass, such as a star, neutron star or black hole?

Time isn’t a dimension at all, by definition. It says it’s a coordinate dimension, but with Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, you can’t have a coordinate if something is moving, only speed and direction. To have a coordinate, time would have to stop.
From our perspective time appears to have speed and direction. It seems fluid, but it could actually be jagged, stopping and starting and we wouldn’t perceive it. Anyway, since it appears to have velocity, time has a starting point, it comes from somewhere and it’s moving away.
It seems to me that time is actually a waveform,* moving outward from the singularity.

Relativity states that as you approach the speed of light time slows compared to your original location. What if you were going in a large circle? A small circle? Just spinning at that speed? What about a singularity? How can you have angular momentum without any measurable dimensions?
Some people say our universe is infinite, I think that’s just in comparison. Because we are so tiny. We have limited perspective and no large measuring device, lacking in apparent ability, Limited perspective. Imagine you’re far outside our universe, looking at the expanding bubble, about the size of a grape or small plum. We’ll give it an age of say 20 billion years. (just a guess) So that universe is 20 billion light years across, and it’s not infinite. What’s it expanding into? That’s interesting!
It also seems likely that our space has three apparent dimensions because that is the most stable. The universe, like many minds makes things as simple as possible, but no simpler.

*I see time as a path you are walking on, but the path disappears/dissolves as you keep stepping, and it doesn’t exist in front of you, it only exists right under you, at that point. It appears under the next step and disappears upon lifting the previous. It exhibits the properties of a sine wave.

Our measurement of time is circular, angular momentum, but we’re using time to measure time. All measurement is relative, you need a reference point, something outside to compare to. The only thing that qualifies here is our memory of the past. That doesn’t actually exist. it’s a fallacy. What would our description of time be if we had no memory of the past? What would a clock seem like to you?

The Problem with Numbers

Numbers are an artificial abstraction created to quantify our reality, not a natural aspect of our environment. There are no numbers or straight lines laying around or floating around anywhere. We assume because someone told us mathematical information, we believe it. Numbers are used to quantify our environment. Mathematically the gestalt leap of including the “zero” is wonderful. As for as I can tell numbers are analogous to holding rocks in your hand to verify cattle in someone’s pasture or amaranths of oil in a ships hold. (or fractions thereof)

In our overzealous haste to quantify our environment, we overlooked intrinsic aspects of that environment. We started counting things and numbering them, assuming control over them and reverifying it. We really knew what was going on. And we could prove it with math! It’s like the theory of mind, in engineering. A beautiful human trait, but fallacious. As soon as we label something, we limit our ability to further know it. I’m going to use two different definitions here. To know somethings means to accept it without question and to understand it means to have actually separated it into parts to realize how it works. To understand something completely, you will have to destroy it. As for as I can tell, we understand a whole lot. We don’t actually understand electricity, but we know how it works. Verified every time you flip that switch. I don’t understand completely why light bends going around a star, but I could make a gravity lens with the proper conditions. What I’m getting at here is, you don’t have to understand something to know it, to utilize it. You don’t have to keep questioning things to utilize their value, holistically. In the endeavor of quantification you miss the truer aspects of reality. Its the quality of your environment that is relevant. Thats what gives it its true value. I REPEAT. Its the quality of your environment that is relevant. Not the quantity.
Mathematics goes on whole numbers (like counting rocks). Its easy to make that assumption. Seems logical. Look at the wall. The distance to the wall is three(rocks). Now that we’ve quantified it. We’re done assessing value. We assume we know that. We own it, as it were. The knowledge and the space. Assumption. I say it’s not the volume of that space that gives its relevance. It’s the quality. What’s happening there, is what makes that place unique in all the universe, any-when. When you start to qualify things, places, whatever. You may start to really know something. You don’t have to understand something to know it. I’ll expound on that again. Let’s say you’re my friend, and I accept that. But if I don’t, I might want to understand what makes you my friend? Why are you my friend? What makes you different than someone else? To understand. So in my quest to understand, I destroy you and some other people taking you apart looking for the friend aspect of you, what makes you different. If I would have accepted you as my friend without question, we’d be ok, but mans inquisitive nature, overlooks the qualitative aspect verifying quantities. I should have just said, “I know you’re my friend, accepted it it without question.” To me, thats the difference between knowing and understanding.

Back to the distance between you and the wall, three rocks. If you’ll picture the surface of the ocean, you’ll start to get at what’s going on in that space. The qualities that make it unique. There are many waveforms interacting and passing through there. Numbers can’t accurately quantify those qualities. Any attempt to actually do this changes its very nature. Accepting it and utilizing it as is, may be the new order of the day. The actual value of that space may be realized. Put your hand out towards the wall, palm facing the wall. Between your hand and the wall are many waveforms interacting, resonance, harmonizing and dissonance, thats the nature of our universe. These are its relevant qualities. It’s like music. That is a more accurate depiction. If you could multiply a G chord by a C, it would be a better form of mathematics.You could more accurately quantify, asses value to that space by its qualities. Numbers are abstractions and resonant factors are actual.

More in the numbers quandary, soon. I’m not done, at all!

My conditioned teaching and learning has limited my ability to know.

The language we use to define our reality is limited by its very definition. We assume we know something because a word defines it. Consider the source. Who made up that word? Why? Did they have expert knowledge? By accepting that word, and its definition, you’re limiting your ability to further understand anything about that, whatever. Do men really have the ability to describe anything not man. Personally I don’t think people can accurately describe themselves , much less anything else. The language I’m using now is predominately noun based, it’s a quantitative language. I think a qualitative or verb based language may more accurately describe your environment.

I believe what is going on around you is more relevant than the things around you. The relationship between things is more important than the things themselves.

Let’s go back to the beginning of the development of language, the why of it. The language was developed to control our environment, to assume we know something, to assuage our fear of the unknown. To live without fear, to live longer, to feel good, not scared. To assume. Once something is defined, you think you know it, you understand it, you can predict its behaviour. You can survive. Once this happens though, you instantly limit your ability to know it further. So in early mans’ overzealous haste to define his environment fueled by the need to survive and furthered by the notion that this newly acquired knowledge would also increase the quality of life. He overlooked the true nature of his environment and limited future knowledge. Where is the need to know if you think you already know something? A tree for instance, man describes a tree from mans’ perspective, limited. Did you ever consider how the tree would describe itself to you? That might be a more accurate definition. You might say trees don’t talk. How do you know? Have you ever been a tree? Well they don’t speak English in way that you can currently understand and your definition limits your need/desire to further your knowledge. You assume you already know. Trees were around before men, I wonder what they would be preferred to be called? Have you ever called someone by the wrong name? Repeatedly?

Everything in your environment has the ability communicate the same way you do, by the means of waves traveling through the environment. You assume because you’re not currently hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling or tasting it, its not happening. Really? If you look at things in your environment from their perspective you start to realize that everything might be a bit different, that your understanding and your ability to understand are limited by the definitions of the words, assumptions and the language itself. These are all abstractions, constructs of the human mind, an excellent tool, but self-limited and not natural, found in nature. A rock might have a life and you might have to sit with it for a few billion years to get this through your tiny little skull.

Action or verb based languages seem to me to more accurately define the environment, Whats going on. Its the relative characteristic of the environment that accurately depicts the qualitative aspects, the relationships things have with each other. I believe that’s more important than the things themselves. Before you read this, as for as your concerned I didn’t exist, you didn’t know I existed. Now there is a relationship that we have based on this communication,that’s the value. This can be expressed as a mathematical equation. But I also have a huge Problem with Numbers.

While going over the collapse of wave function, I had a thought about the mind in regards to conscience and quantum variance and the complementary aspects of potentiality vs actuality. It occurred to me that the unconscious and subconscious mind are playing out all possibilities for the next best possible future and then actualizing it. The Quantum Hussy.
Earlier I was inclined to think that there was some form of quantum variance in the brain, ( electron tunneling ?) then looking at the system differently , holisticly, I could see the action was taking place regardless of the mechanism.

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